We fall in love, slowly move past the stage of feeling butterflies at the sight of our significant other, and we settle into a sort of rhythm. Keeping the Spice in Your Marriage becomes a second thought, and it happens to the best of us.
There is nothing wrong with this; in fact, psychologists have suggested that it is such a natural progression of all relationships, that our brains and emotions could not handle the strain if we stayed in the butterfly stage forever.
The rhythm often causes us to settle a bit, especially if we have introduced children into the mix, and mom of twins to our resume. We settle, we get comfortable, and slowly that spiciness that we once had, that fiery 4th of July sparkler kind of spark, starts to fade.
Speaking from experience, I can tell you it isn’t too late. Before you reach the comfort level of never even putting on makeup or nice clothes to head out with your spouse, read these tips to keeping the spice in your marriage. I mean, even the best gourmet dish requires some spice, don’t they?
8 Secrets to Keeping the Spice in Your Marriage
#1 Text him…sexy things
This is one of my favorite things to do when it comes to keeping spice in your marriage. If this is outside of your comfort zone, try something simple at first.
Sexy texts like “I really like your (fill in the blank)” or “I find it very sexy when you (fill in the blank).” You can always move to the more risqué texts, and attempt to make him blush while he’s in that 9 o’clock meeting.
#2. Sexting isn’t just for teens
My husband was on an out-of-town job recently, and when he returned he said “I didn’t know adults are sexting too!”. After I finished laughing, I mentally added it to my spice up the marriage list.
If you are a bit shy, it doesn’t have to include a face shot. What about just a touch of cleavage with an “I can’t wait until you get home tonight” tagged along? Use your imagination and you can be creative here.
#3 Date him again
Often when life gets crazy busy, we stop dating our spouses. Make it a priority to bring back that dating game. Set a date, either weekly or biweekly, and make plans to head out together.
If you have children, get a standing sitter and make it happen. Make it count though, and dress yourself like you would have when you were dating way back when. Makeup, heels, and that maybe even that gorgeous dress that hasn’t been out of the closet in months.
#4 Buy some new unmentionables
If you are so comfortable that you have traded your lace and satin in for high rise cotton, it’s time to go shopping. If you are doing okay in this department, it never hurts to buy something new.
Honestly, I’m in the ‘needs to buy something new’ category. I haven’t even hit that section since having the twins almost four years ago. Eek.
#5 Leave little notes
Years and years ago, when my husband and I started dating, I would pack little love notes in his lunch box. Most of them we have tucked away inside a memory box and we chuckle at them now and again.
If he was still packing lunches I would do that, but he doesn’t. If you can’t pack his lunch with one, consider leaving a love note on the driver’s seat of his car, stuck in his gym bag, or even hide some in the pockets of his pants. Those little notes aren’t just keeping the spice in your marriage, they’re also a nice little reminder to him that he is on your mind.
#6 Keep the digital devices OUT of the bedroom
This one is pretty self explanatory. One of the biggest killers of romance is Facebook, Pinterest, social media in general, and even sports.
#7 Ditch the yoga pants
Being a work at home mom, I’m a guilty of this. A lot. Yoga pants have been touted as sweatpants sexy cousin, but they are not doing anything for the spice in your marriage.
I know first hand after my husband began noticing immediately when he came home from work, and was greeted by me in jeans. Jeans aren’t usually on the top of my comfort list and we often rely on comfortable, forgetting to pull out the cute and sometimes sexy outfits we used to wear.
Because this is my struggle, how about we Pinky Promise right now to bring the sexiness back to our everyday outfits, even if we work at home!
#8 Bring back the candlelight
Candlelight dinner, candles burning in the bedroom, or even candles around the tub. Bring back the candlelight and that optimum ambiance of romance.
What happens from there is up to you and how you want to go about keeping spice in your marriage.
Hopefully these secrets will help you on the journey to keeping spice in your marriage, or bringing it back if you are where I was. If you have faded into the dangerous comfort zone, it does take effort but it is SO worth it.
For some of us it requires us to stretch the imagination a bit and step into a realm that leaves us slightly uncomfortable, but when the habanero heat kicks in, you will be glad you did.