Marriage is one of those institutions that we enter into to “get our feet wet” these days. It seems more and more marriages are failing because hey, it’s just too much effort… We want to be happy, but only if it means we don’t have to do anything. It is kind of like losing weight, we want to be fit and trim but we want to look that way without putting in the time at the gym and refusing the double-decker chocolate cake. So, since we aren’t overly worried about it anyway, let me share 5 surefire ways to wreck your marriage. 😉
5 Surefire Ways to Wreck Your Marriage
1. Compare your spouse to others, often.
This is especially helpful if your comparisons are to movie stars or athletes who are paid to look good for a living. These are the buff and beautiful actors and actresses who are often airbrushed to perfection in People magazine, be sure to pin photos up and suggest that your spouse head to the gym so they can be a better piece of eye candy for you.
2. Refuse to compromise, ever.
When you got married you did so to have a companion who makes you happy, right? Therefore there is no reason to complicate matters by compromising if your happiness is on the line. After all, he or she should be the one to bend that is if they really love you, right?
3. Stop flirting with your spouse.
You married him or her, the game is over and there isn’t any need for all that mushy stuff now. Especially since you may have children, they shouldn’t see you be affectionate anyway so just knock that stuff off. You also no longer have to worry about that romance stuff, having a roommate is sufficient enough, isn’t it?
4. Let yourself go.
You are comfortable now so it is totally acceptable to just let yourself go, completely. For us ladies, don’t bother with makeup or hair, you got him, why worry how you look now? That is all superficial anyway so don’t bother making him feel special by looking good for him. Men, this means you no longer should hide all those unsightly habits you had for years before dating her, bring it on…the nose picking, gas passing, belching full Monty. All of it, you could let the personal hygiene take a hike too if it is too much work.
5. Have LOTS of friends of the opposite sex and be sure to get together often.
You may have gotten married, but you aren’t dead, right? Why would you want to avoid the company of the opposite sex, just because you have a ring on your finger? You should go out often with your opposite sex friends, don’t invite your spouse along either, that might be awkward. That seems to be a good set of rules to follow if you want to wreck a perfectly good matrimonial union.
Those long, loving marriages that we hear about are just too darn much work, take the easy way out and just wreck it from the beginning.
Just in case you left your humor in bed today, this is a whole lot of satire. 😉