At some point during my pregnancy with twins, someone mentioned that parents of twins have a high divorce rate. It was nonchalant in conversation, but it was said, couldn’t be unsaid, and I haven’t forgotten it. My twins are now 4 and we’ve had our ups and downs. It’s taken more work and I’ve had to make conscious efforts to spice up our marriage at times. Marriage with twins has you changing double the diapers, feeding double the meals, and fighting harder than before to stay married. Having been there and sometimes still there, I’m sharing some tips on how to stay together.
Marriage with Twins: How to Stay Together
Pick a Twin
I don’t mean claim a favorite twin, but pick a twin that you are in charge of when you leave the house. Doing that eliminates any chaos over who is supposed to watching who and who is in charge of changing/feeding/cleaning up who. Things flow smoother when you leave the house and have a designated twin you are in a charge of. I know it sounds weird, but it works really well for us.
Talk About Parenting
It’s so easy to let the stresses of life and parenthood fester until they boil over. Things we wish our spouse helped out with more, schedules we wish were a little more consistent, and tasks we need help delegating. Sit down at least once a month and actually talk about parenting and household stuff. Don’t wait until a fight happens and nine million problems come spewing out of you.
Make Time to Date
Call up a babysitter and plan date nights, especially during the first year with twins. Raising twins can easily take over your life, but you have to make time to date for the sake of your marriage. Keep several babysitters in your contact list, try to plan ahead, and get dressed up for a night out with your spouse.
Give Each Other a Break
Me Time is essential when raising twins, for both parents. This is something I have to stress to my husband, and most of the time I take the twins on a walk so he can have the house to himself. It’s as easy as that. Other ideas are rotating bath time duties so each parent can recharge, take the twins to visit a family member, and even taking a walk by yourself to clear your head.
Put Intimacy on the To-Do List
I’m just going to come right out and say it, have sex with your spouse. If that means putting it on the to-do list or specific days on the calendar, do it. I had no desire for love making after having the twins. It took me months and I regret it. If there is anything that we as couple have that is all our own, it’s sex, and that bond is crucial to marriage, in my opinion. Not to mention that our men need that sexual intimacy as much as we need affection.
Listen to Each Other
If you don’t listen to listen, it’s a great time to start. I didn’t and as soon as I realized that, I made a conscious effort to really hear what my husband was saying. It’s easy to listen to someone talking while thinking about how to respond. When you do that, you aren’t really hearing them. Hear each others concerns, needs, and wants.
Appreciate the Small Things
Life with twins can often feel like the fastest and tallest roller coaster. The focus becomes how many diapers have been changed, who slept when, are there diapers left, are there any clean clothes, and the list goes on. Take time out to appreciate the small things. Say thank you for the little things, acknowledge the small gestures that each other offer, and appreciate each other at the end of the day.
Another helpful tip on how to stay together in a marriage with twins, is sending sexy texts. If you need some ideas, check out my post on Sexy Texts to Send to Your Spouse.